And, More Importantly, What I Don’t Want
“Finally, this is better, that one do His own task as he may, even though he fail, Than take tasks not his own, though they seem good To die performing duty is no ill; But who seeks other roads shall wander still.” — The Bhagavad Gita
This is a guide.
Last year, I began to question what I was doing in life. I wasn’t unhappy, but I could tell I wasn’t very happy either. I was just getting by.
So, just like anyone might have, I turned to the internet and emerged with a truckload of questions and tips.
I’ve compiled the questions that have had the most impact on me, added some myself, and compiled them into a seven-step journey below.
You can browse through them and pick what tugs at your heart, but for every question you pick, I suggest you let at least 25 answers flow before moving on to the next.
It’s extremely important you don’t filter anything out. Pay close attention to the answers you are trying to hide because these usually reveal your truth.
01 SENSE CHECK
Do you wake up excited for the day?
Do you feel a sense of flow as you go through your day?
Do you go to sleep feeling fulfilled?
Do you feel enthusiastic about your next 3 years?
Can you tell me what you want in one sentence?
02 FACE YOUR DEMONS
Who is on your search history?
Who are you jealous of? Why are you jealous of themWhat is your biggest ‘what if’?
What are your biggest regrets?What’s the first thing you see in the mirror?
What are you insecure about? What are you ashamed of?What are your pet peeves?
What do you often complain about? What do you hate? What do you dread?Why is the hole leaking?
Why do you feel you need to change your life? What is lacking?What’s inside the pinata?
What will you have once these are resolved? Who will you become?
03 DEFINE YOUR HAPPINESS
What did you daydream about during class?
What were your childhood passions?What would you pay to learn?
What do you love doing? What do you want to get better at?If you had to leave your house every day, where would you go?
What excites you? What are you wildly curious about?If you won the lottery, how would you spend your time?
What experiences matter the most to you?Who would you travel the world with?
Who makes you feel happy? What kind of company do you cherish?
04 UNLEASH YOUR QUIRK
What makes you a nerd?
What challenges are you attracted to?What dumpster did you come from?
What struggles have you overcome? What impact do you want to have?What have you done that would make your HS self proud?
What is working now? What have you been recognized for?What do people get your advice for?
What are you known for? What are you good at?What’s your favorite kind of hell?
What struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate?
05 SET YOUR VISION
What is your formula for happiness?
Fill in the blank: When my life is ideal I am____What would make you retire?
What is success to you?What is your TED message?
What can you share? What do you specialize in?What will you be called to stage for?
What are your greatest accomplishments? What awards have you received?What are your grandchildren sick of hearing?
What have you experienced? What stories are you sharing?If your future self came back to you what would he spoil?
Where are you? What did you do to get there?
06 SIZE YOUR HURDLE
What makes your stomach turn, heart race, and armpits wet?
What are you afraid of? What is holding you back? Why can’t you do it?What were you raised to do?
What are the things you feel you “should” have, do, be, or achieve?What are you waiting for?
What do you need to feel good enough? What do you need to get started?Are you going to die?
What’s the worst that can happen? What do you have to lose?
07 RUN YOUR EXPERIMENT
How can you get the ball rolling?
What can you do within the next hour?How can you fail spectacularly?
What can you try that you’ve never thought of before? What can you learn?Who will help you bury the body?
Whose opinion matters? Who can help you do this? Who can you learn from?When is our next date?
When will you check up on yourself? What will you be checking up on?
ANSWER GUIDE
SENSE CHECK: Don’t think too hard. If you don’t know, then you don’t know.
FACE YOUR DEMONS: This took me the most time. The purpose of this part is to name your egoic intentions so you can uncover your heart’s true intention later on. You’ll never figure out what you want in life if you can’t separate the two.
DEFINE YOUR HAPPINESS: Most of us want to be happy but have never truly thought about what makes us happy. This is where you explore that question. It starts with a quick look into your past before exploring happiness across four dimensions: what you enjoy doing, where you do it, with whom you do it, and how often you do it.
UNLEASH YOUR QUIRK: We are all special in some way. The challenge is allowing yourself to recognize it. What makes you a nerd is your innate talent. Your dumpster defines your purpose. What you’re proud of makes up your unique experiences. What people get your advice for indicates your greatest skill. What you are willing to sacrifice captures the extent of your will.
SET YOUR VISION: Think as big as you possibly can. This is not the time to think about what’s possible or what’s not. You are only limited by your imagination.
SIZE YOUR HURDLE: Name what’s stopping you. People will love telling you why you can’t, so if you don’t do this someone eventually will. From my experience, it’s much easier to listen to them when you know what they’re about to say and you’ve already decided it’s not a big deal.
RUN YOUR EXPERIMENT: It doesn’t have to be perfect. Allow yourself to try, fail, and learn repeatedly. People will continue to tell you you’ve done enough so it’s important you know from the beginning whose opinions matter. Once you feel you’ve tried enough try another SENSE CHECK and see how you feel.
💡 This piece was inspired by Mark Manson, Jack Canfield, Tara Brach, Jenny Blake, Hector Garcia, and many many other articles. I searched different versions of “what do I want in life” on Google and clicked every article I could find.
💃 I wanted to share this because it’s a big reason why I started writing in the first place. I only hope it will help you discover what you want in life too.